I have a very old memory of being about two and watching my mom and dad leave to go out to dinner. I remember very clearly standing at the sliding glass door (the same door that I would run into a year or so later and nearly break my nose on, but that is another story) and crying my eyes out while watching them walk away. I remember that my mom kept turning around and waving at me and that my dad kept redirecting her to the car. I remember them leaving and crying and crying, even though I knew that they would be back. Today, (some 35 odd years later) that same scene repeated.
I have always had a close relationship with my parents. Except for those times that I was partying too much (well it wasn't really a party, but you get the picture) and those other times when I was going through the usual sorts of growing pains. Our closeness has spanned the physical distance that has been between us for nearly all of my adult life. One of the benefits of my mom and dad having kids so young is that they are active and spry enough to enjoy their grand kids and to experience an adult relationship with their grown children.
The physical distance between myself and my parents has never been as big of an issue for me as it is now that I have a child of my own. Although we all work hard to stay connected (I talk to them on the phone several times a week and send regular pictures of Grayson and updates), it is just not the same as being in close physical proximity. Although Steve and I have plans to make our way back to Orange County and close to them it is not going to happen right this second for a variety of reasons. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the Bay Area and we have a fantastic group of friends here (it would be very, very hard to leave them), but it is also hard not being close to mom and dad and my sisters and nephews.
Mimi and Papa (as all the grandkids call them) drove up on Wednesday to spend a few days with us and it was fabulous!! Grayson just lit up in their presence and spent several days showing them all of his tricks. He was quite a charmer! He received the kind of attention from them that only grandparents can give. He got their complete and undivided attention and he just reveled in the fact that they found everything about him fascinating!
Having them here was also so good for me. This has been a really, really tough last couple of months and I guess I didn't even realize how alone I felt in all of this, until they were here for me. There visit was bittersweet. I loved every moment of having them here, but I also worried about how sad I was going to be when they left.
This morning when we said goodbye, I just about lost it. I wanted to be that little girl at the sliding glass door again and to cry and beg them to stay. I literally wanted to grab onto my mom's pant leg and refuse to let her go (that would have been interesting since she is about five inches shorter then me). My dad surprised me this morning by noticing how sad I was. He swooped in for one last hug and told me not to cry. As they drove away I noticed them both waving out the window until I couldn't see them anymore. Once again, I knew that they would be back but I just didn't want to let them go.
As Steve and I returned home, I looked into the rear view mirror at my own child and wondered what it was going to be like for him to leave me (and for me to have him leave)! It was at that moment that I was able to feel grateful that my parents raised me to be independent enough to follow my own dreams no matter where they led (or how far from them they landed me). I was also very grateful for the fact that they instilled in me the belief that they would always come back for me (and they always have). XOXOXOXO K
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